The Struggle Is Real

Why has this year been so difficult? I have to say I started out firmly on my high horse... "Yes! I'm not a beginner teacher anymore... I am the real deal. I have had a fantastic year AND I've nearly finished my first year of a post graduate study... Just try and stop me!" - Well, there seems to be no end to what has stopped me. Big barriers with spikes sticking out of them... Or at least that's how it feels. 

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting an easy ride! I'm a sucker for punishment and making sure I push myself and my practice to the limit. However, I feel as though up until now, I had some control of things. Now it feels as though I'm a step behind. Some days several steps. Or perhaps I am just more critical of myself then I was before?

I constantly ask myself the question: Am I doing the best I can for my students? The answer is always yes. But I can't help feeling that it isn't enough anymore. 

I have been reading a few blogs and articles about the 'Third Year Blues' - This was mentioned to me recently by a good friend and colleague after I came down with a second burst of sickness for the term. I brushed it off - of course not! But perhaps I was wrong. My second year of teaching was an especially rewarding one. I began studying (something I never thought I would do again), I had a successful personal inquiry using ICT to boost literacy in the classroom, I started working with a supportive team in a fantastic school and of course I completed my provisional registration and gained my full.

This year is a little different - My personal inquiry has had elements of success, but it hasn't come easily and it is strewn with challenges, failures, roadblocks and reflections. I am still studying but it's taking a lot longer to get myself back in to the routine of doing daily readings than I had expected. My immune system has taken a beating with an unusual amount of sickness this year. I feel like I haven't been myself. Success simply isn't coming easily. 

I started this post to have a vent. I have, and in the process I've had that 'get over it!' moment - I know that this lack of success is a good thing. It doesn't feel very good... but it is what learning is all about! I just need to keep this in mind. I am well and truly in the pit.

That's me, right in the bottom there...
Picture Cred: http://www.st-matthews.leeds.sch.uk/cms/media/Picture1(1).jpg

So - what is there to do but fight my way out of it? Like the quote we religiously tell our students:

"I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work"

- Thomas Edison